Appreciating the capsules of time the past has provided—the good, the bad, the beauty and the brutality—as an opportunity to distill our lives back down to the roots of who we are sets us up for what is to come as mightier, more mindful, empowered and empathetic humans. Inspired by the quote above, here are a few of the lessons my past has provided that I’m grateful for as I face a new year:

Be Eyes Wide Open to Your Reality. There was a time in my life when it was excruciatingly difficult to open my banking app and check in on my monetary affairs, which I realized over time did nothing at all to alter the reality of those numbers. This goes for everything else, too. Employment, relationships, the health of our car (how long can you postpone that oil change, anyway?), our own health (this chest pain doesn’t seem to be improving as hard as I’ve tried to put it out of mind). Put your face toward your reality the same way you put it toward the sun. Any other approach leaves us disconnected from our own lives and prolongs the pain unsavory circumstances provide.

Be a Previvor. In the world of cancer gene mutations, those who face their risks as educated individuals see a better long-term outcome and higher quality of life versus those who fold up into the prognoses and wait for the cancer monster to pop out from behind the curtain. I learned I had inherited the BRCA 1 gene mutation six years ago. This is the gene mutation responsible for ending the lives—far too soon—of nearly every woman on my mom’s side of the family, and the gene mutation responsible for more than 20 years of my mom’s battles with cancer, having wreaked havoc on her body, heart and soul. Initially, I was devastated by the news, but swiftly joined the ranks of the “previvors” who are empowered by educating themselves on risks and staying focused on keeping the monster behind the curtain. My daughters (who have a 50 percent chance of inheriting the gene mutation, and will be tested in their mid-20s) and I can speak without fear of their own risks, understanding that we behold the power to work proactively on our behalf no matter what we face … in any and all areas of our lives.

Everyone Has Broken Pieces. And the ways they try to mend their brokenness won’t necessarily make sense to everyone around them, and that’s okay. A group of my girlfriends met with a friend in distress and her number one question was: “Am I crazy?” The resounding advice from that circle of sisterhood was: “let yourself hurt, let your mind wander, it’s your own experience and it will hurt like it’s never hurt anyone before.” As we move into a new year, be there for one another, and reach out to those who care about you when you are hurting. It was an honor sitting with her for a couple of hours, allowing her the space to spill her pain out for us to help scoop up. If we do it right, we truly are in this together. As much as the human tendency seems to be toward finding our ranks and ranking others, we are all dancing on the same spectrum of possibility (and pain) at any given time. And just because someone else isn’t doing their jig parallel to your life location, doesn’t mean a thing—positive or negative—about them or about you. “The welfare of each is bound to the welfare of all.”

Just Be Real. There isn’t a freedom quite like that of being yourself. You save so much time not having to remember which version of your story to share when you can just. be. real. There are levels of intimacy which warrant levels of privacy, of course, but it rolls out naturally when you honor your true self at any given moment. The more we allow ourselves to be real, the more accepting we are of others’ realness, too. That’s harmony, baby, and the world could use a lot more of it.

Give as Much Clout to Kudos as you do to Negativity and Vice Versa. We have every ounce of control over our emotions, thoughts and actions, but so many of us manage our control like a leaf blowing in the wind. A Facebook friend asked how people deal with mean people, how they handle being told they were “less than” in any way (her question was specific to aesthetics, but it rings true in all categories). Give it all zero weight. Don’t get sucked into the notion that anyone’s opinion of you—good or bad—actually means anything about you. #DontBeALeaf

You’re a Soul who has been Gifted a Human Experience: I found Ashley Stahl’s studies in spiritual psychology fascinating. She breaks it down to souls in the universe, all connected through energy, who are given the opportunity to be human for a spell. You don’t have to appreciate those musings to scrub life down to the notion that we are only here for a blip in time, and that having a “human experience” is an extraordinary gift. “Love every second of your soul, who gets to be here, having this magical human experience,” she says.

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To a new slate of possibility,

Stephanie Regalado

stephanie@spokanecda.com