Whether I’m sitting in a bustling café, elbows perched on the table’s edge, arms reaching up to support both hands blooming around a moon-sized mug as my lips gingerly sip to preserve the delicate design swirled into the froth—or I’m attending a fundraising event, energy spiked by live auctions and paddle raises raking in the dough, people high on life and free-flowing booze as their laughter seeps into all empty pockets in the air, one activity is always woven in: I’m soaking in—delighting in—the humans around me. 

The intrigue, the wonder, the pure fascination with others—as well as with my own existence—has me living a life ruled by curiosity, which has led to certain musings of myself, of others and of us all. Here are a few of my guiding lights:

We all have the same spectrum of human possibility. I often weave this notion into my stories, and I can’t let it go. From the darkest dark to the brightest light of human potential and possibility, we are all dancing along the same line at any given time. There is no need to compare where we are—or where someone else is—when we understand it’s the same line. 

You don’t need concrete proof—or full comprehension—for something to be true. Trusting your inner voice that’s telling you something isn’t right, means something isn’t right. You don’t have to wait for concert proof to take the action necessary to honor yourself in a bad situation. And on the other side of that—and something more important now than ever before—you don’t need to understand someone else’s experience for it to be their reality. Listen to people, they rarely get their own recap—or feelings—wrong. 

Most of us are, in Landmark terms, already always listening. And we hear what we want to hear versus what is actually being conveyed. It’s like getting in the car to run an errand on the weekend and ending up at your office, or the kids’ school. Our subconscious takes over when our brain is contemplating 100 other things in life, and will often go with what it has known to be true due to repetition in your past. Your brain holds all it knows and has experienced like sand in buckets, and it tips those buckets to fill in the gaps created by distraction or apathy, or anything that removes your full attention and open mind. Stay cognizant to the inclination to infill information, and present to hear what is actually being said. 

Respect isn’t earned, it’s given. I firmly believe how we treat others—how we speak of them, too—says far more about us than it says about them. We leave our mark on everyone we brush by in a day—on the sidewalk, in the office, at home, online, in the grocery store, everywhere—make the mark you leave a high one that encourages others to stand taller, reach higher, see beyond themselves and do good. 

It’s all an education. One of the terms I most frequently whisper to myself is “noted.” I think of all human behavior as an education and I’ve become grateful for the unveiling of that knowledge along the way, whether it breaks my heart or lights my soul on fire (in a good way). Stay wide open to learning the lessons those around you are laying down. 

The purest way to go eye-to-eye with what matters the most to you, is to face a tragedy. When we didn’t know where my son was for 45 minutes after receiving a text he was going to a bridge to answers someone’s call for help, it changed everything. His act of heroism in saving a young woman’s life that night made us proud, but having sifted all possible fears through our minds when he wasn’t to be found brought us to our knees. As a colleague complained about a long-standing issue in the office the Monday morning after, I could only say: “it don’t mean a thing” because it no longer did. When I begin to feel washed out by life, I think of the worst news I could receive and what would rise up as most important under those circumstances … nothing scrubs the noise from my ears or “rights me” faster. 

Hold your spouse/partner in the highest regard or set them free. There is no greater sense of loneliness than when you are in a romantic relationship that isn’t serving you—or your partner—well. Whether you need to get real with yourself, or someone else needs to get real with you, I promise there is always a gift at the other end of heartbreak, even when life stays laced with pain from the loss. And for those committed souls, there’s no greater work than that of nourishing your life partnership. As they say, water your own grass if the grass is looking greener somewhere else. 

What sets a writer apart from those who say they can’t write is the same thing that sets anyone accomplishing anything apart from those who aren’t: some people give up too early to know their own grit and potential, and some never quite trying. No one has magic you don’t also have. Keep pushing through, people. I’m rooting for you, I’m rooting for us all. Write the book, make the relationship work, go for the amazing opportunity, don’t stop perfecting your craft and striving for your goals. They are yours if you really, truly want them. 

Thank you for reading my words and for reading Spokane Coeur d’Alene Living magazine. You are a cherished part of the process. Please don’t hesitate to send your thoughts my way. 

My best, 

Stephanie Regalado

[email protected]